Alternate TV Commercials


There must be something seriously wrong with me.

Well, obviously, but I mean specifically. I mean, I hate commercial television like any sane individual, but the voices in my head keep telling me to do things like watch Cops week after week after week. (Although even the voices are offended by televised golf.) I really wouldn't mind watching TV so much if it weren't for the awful commercials. So, what's wrong with me is that I keep coming up with ideas for new TV commercials.

And I'm not even in marketing.

I generally come up with two kinds of ideas: serious commercials that might actually get made, and commercials that are so tasteless and politically incorrect that not even French television would air them.

So, for your entertainment (like anyone ever visits my website ... I know, I have the logfiles!) here are some of my commercial ideas:

(Not all are finished right now...)

Serious commercials

Commercials no sane TV exec (an oxymoron, really) would ever put on the air In no way should these be implied as endorsements, although I do use Kodak film and drink a lot of Coke. The voices in my head, however, think it's a great idea to go out and buy a lot of this stuff, as well as some gasoline, styrofoam cups and a lighter.
If you're some kind of TV commercial exec type person and want to actually give me a pig pile of money to make one of my commercials, you can contact me via EMail at: dglidden@illusionary.com. (Unless you're from Chiat/Day or the company that made those hideous AT&T commercials with the wobbly camera work, in which case buy yourself a 9mm handgun and shoot yourself in the head.) However, if you're a typical ad exec, you're going to want to steal my ideas, in which case, don't bother, I've had them copyrighted and notarized and all that jazz. So there.
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